Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Judgment is for the Judges,Not for You!

Why did the best Bollywood Music Directors Jodi break after the initial success?

Why did the most admired Page 3 couple decide to go their own ways?

Why did the very successful Industrialist brothers think separation was better than surviving together?

Sounds dramatic!!

Human relationship is a partnership where each one of us feel that we safer in the zone we create between us. We bond well and trust each  other partner as we can trust him or her.This feeling is helpful in creating a beautiful and meaning relationship for long term mutual benefits.

However when one the partner criticize the other person this space gets threatened. By doing so one partner is judging the other one and the judged partner feels the pangs of guilt. The negative emotions surge and the partner tries to defend himself. In such a situation attack is the best defense.The partner tries to repel.In this conversation the threatened partner stops listening and feels the other partner is breached his trust.This creates a chasm in the trust zone between the partners and partnership moves towards breakage.

In our daily life we are always judging everyone in our surrounding be it our office or our family. In order to understand this important issue we need to understand that everyday with everyone our conversation is always laced with some form of judgement be it in the form criticism,advice,hidden advice,etc.All are the forms of judging someone.As a result we create untrustworthy relationship across.

Such an important part of communication and we are completely unaware of the damage we are doing to our relationship.Why do we judge others?

We do so because we don’t love ourselves and we try to compare our lives and our life journey with others. This comparison is responsible for utterance of judgement in our daily communication.One can say how do we correct others if we don’t criticize or advise our loved ones or office colleagues or team members.

First thing first our assumption is that we are better than others is cause of all problems.
Let us first accept that we are equal,creative, skillful and resourceful.Once this rule is set then we are no one to judge anyone.
To create a trusting relationship certain rules which need to followed is open mind,non judgmental attitude,ethical behavior and honesty in relationship.We can only share feedback which is nothing but an observation based on certain facts .

Feedback which are non judgmental will make one think in a rational way than an emotional way.There will be not guilt feeling and you are treated trustworthy environment.This supports a meaningful and healthy relationship to flourish.

By the way is it really Feedback or Feedforward?

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